The air pressure inside the car was very low, like a giant vacuum machine slowly sucking away the surrounding oxygen. The white noise of raindrops colliding was the source of anxiety.
Yuan Bei felt uncomfortable, a physical discomfort. He turned his head away, banishing Wang Luxi’s face and that damned tattoo on her wrist from his sight. His fingers tapped the steering wheel’s edge rhythmically, something in his heart about to catch fire, hissing white smoke.
But Wang Luxi wouldn’t let him off.
The rain was too fierce, making a terrible racket.
“Yuan Bei, the rain’s getting heavier,” Wang Luxi hugged her arms, her tone careful, “Can I ask why you’re in such a hurry to take me to school?”
In this weather, touring a campus didn’t seem appropriate, did it?
Yuan Bei didn’t answer. He was afraid that opening his mouth would expose his irritation and impatience. Noticing the goosebumps on Wang Luxi’s thighs, he reached up and turned off the air conditioning.
“I regret it, okay? I don’t want to tour the school anymore,” Wang Luxi entered her unreasonable mode, “In such heavy rain, what could we even see? Besides, I don’t want to be with you anymore. You’ve already ruined Beihai Park for me. Please be kind and leave me some pure land!”
Yuan Bei remained silent, his expression growing worse.
“You’re not trying to compensate me this way, are you?” Wang Luxi continued rubbing the tattoo sticker on her wrist, “I don’t need it! Those romantic dating scenarios I mentioned will be fulfilled by someone else in the future. I don’t need you to do it. I don’t want to think of your face when I’m kissing my future boyfriend in front of the dorm building!”
Another red light.
The rain was so heavy it obstructed vision. Yuan Bei braked hard, and Wang Luxi’s whole body lurched forward. The map showed dense red lines, with plenty of accident alerts. Under the torrential downpour, chaos reigned everywhere.
Yuan Bei said coldly: “Stop talking to me!”
“…You’re really moody today.” Wang Luxi replied with this sentence, then fell quiet.
The route changed several times.
Finally, they headed along the North Third Ring Road toward Haidian.
No one spoke for the rest of the journey.
–
Each area of Beijing seemed to have its own unique character. Yuan Bei had never liked this part of Haidian when he was in school. It was too “busy.”
Back then, there wasn’t yet the word “cutthroat,” but no description was needed; people living here understood. Haidian people, Haidian souls filled the countless cubicles and co-working spaces here. The news only reported how many tech companies emerged from Zhongguancun, never how many entrepreneurial dreams sank here. Those who survived to the end in this battlefield were one in ten thousand.
As for education, it went without saying. The term “tiger parenting” originated here.
Wudaokou was densely packed with universities. Besides Tsinghua and Peking University, there were Beihang, USTB, BLCU, China University of Mining and Technology… With colleges clustered together, Yuan Bei didn’t know whether the nickname “Universe Center” came from the Ucenter Plaza or from the university students spinning at cosmic speed like a galaxy system. In any case, it had been called that for many years.
Umbrellas crowded the streets, people walking hurriedly, especially at the huge intersection: people, cars, shared bicycles, and electric scooters. Just watching made Wang Luxi dizzy. Though it was still summer vacation, it remained bustling, as if being immersed in it would infect you with the atmosphere without anyone pushing you, making you part of the galaxy, unconsciously quickening your pace.
Yuan Bei asked Wang Luxi: “Want to go take photos at the school?”
“No,” Wang Luxi was very certain, “I’m out of photo paper. Not taking any more.”
There would be plenty of opportunities later anyway.
“Then where do you want to go?”
“You brought me here! Why ask me?”
“Are you hungry?”
“Hungry.” Wang Luxi checked the time, it was already afternoon, and she hadn’t had a drop of water yet.
“What do you want to eat?”
“Hot pot, something spicy.” She did it on purpose.
Yuan Bei said nothing, using his phone to search for nearby restaurants. Wang Luxi reminded him: “Just take me to a place you used to go when you were in school.”
“It’s long gone.” Yuan Bei said.
The restaurant turnover here was faster. The places where he and his roommates used to hunt for late-night snacks had changed owners countless times. The names might still be the same, but the taste had long since changed.
“Are there any shops that have been open all these years? Places you used to eat at?”
“Does date cake count?”
“What’s that?”
Wudaokou Date Cake King, quite famous.
A university experience wasn’t complete without queuing at Wudaokou Date Cake King. But it was really just a tiny stall. It had endured for so many years, and no matter when you went, there were always people at the entrance. Today, because of the rain and summer vacation, the situation was slightly better. It didn’t have such a long queue.
Yuan Bei went to buy some, wrapped in a paper bag, and handed it to Wang Luxi.
The date cake was still warm, with a rich red date fragrance. She tasted it and felt it was not bad. She broke off another piece and instinctively moved it toward Yuan Bei’s mouth. Her hand was already halfway up when she put it back down.
“Is this thing worth queuing so long for?”
“Don’t know,” Yuan Bei said, “There are many things in this world without reason.”
Wang Luxi hated this pretentiously mature and somewhat affected tone. She really wanted to punch him a few times.
…
There was a hot pot restaurant inside the nearby mall.
She followed behind Yuan Bei, stubbornly maintaining a two-step distance. At the hot pot restaurant, they sat facing each other, and scanned the code to order. Wang Luxi hesitated for a long time at the all-spicy broth option but finally gave up, feeling this way of venting was too childish.
The server brought food dishes and a plate of fruit with watermelon slices with a small cut in the middle to look like hearts. There was also a red rose; every table had one, to catch the Qixi (Chinese holiday of love) fever.
Wang Luxi kept her head down, scrolling through her phone, occasionally looking up to hastily observe Yuan Bei’s expression, and found he was staring at her.
“…Why are you looking at me? I didn’t know today was Qixi,” she stirred her dipping sauce, “I bought you that bouquet for very pure reasons. Don’t overthink it.”
“I’m not overthinking,” Yuan Bei said, “Let’s eat.”
…The meal was also quite uncomfortable.
Because they still didn’t chat or talk.
The red oil broth bubbled with steam. Wang Luxi upheld the fine tradition of not wasting food, trying to finish all the meat, while throwing the vegetables into Yuan Bei’s mushroom broth. Yuan Bei didn’t refuse, accepting everything.
Wang Luxi was full and started feeling drowsy. She let out a big yawn, which Yuan Bei noticed, so she quickly closed her mouth.
“Where to next?”
“Anywhere’s fine.”
During dinner time, the hot pot restaurant got more and more crowded. Their table was near the window, but by now they couldn’t see the street scene outside clearly because the interior lights were too bright; they could only see reflected silhouettes coming and going.
Wang Luxi’s playful heart stirred again. She asked Yuan Bei: “Let’s find a place to get drinks?”
She thought Yuan Bei would refuse. After all, he’d rejected her suggestions to drink several times before, as if he still saw her as a child deep down. But unexpectedly, not today.
Yuan Bei picked up her bag and stood: “Let’s go.”
“…Really going?”
“If you don’t go today, you’ll still go eventually. Can you stay out of trouble?” Yuan Bei pressed the elevator button, waiting for her, “I’ll scout the path for you.”
–
Wang Luxi soon understood what this so-called “scouting” meant.
Places with university clusters never lacked nightlife. Yuan Bei took her to a very quiet little bar where craft beer was the specialty. Wang Luxi was still looking around when Yuan Bei had already started greeting the owner behind the bar.
She found a small table and sat down, asking Yuan Bei when he returned: “You know him?”
“College roommate.” Yuan Bei said.
“!!!” The surprise on Wang Luxi’s face couldn’t be hidden, “That’s amazing…”
Being able to open a decent shop in Beijing, especially in such a competitive area, no matter what kind of shop, seemed amazing to Wang Luxi. And it had only been two years since graduation.
“Yes, he’s amazing.”
Yuan Bei talked about this college roommate’s experiences. While other freshmen and sophomores were spending money lavishly, reveling in their newfound freedom after leaving the nest, he was already making money.
Back when night market stalls were still around, he rented a small van, opened the back doors, hung up banners and fairy lights, and served drinks and cocktails on site. He actually had quite a few customers because he was talkative and could chat with anyone. He was kind-hearted too, preparing ice water for sanitation workers and security guards.
These small stalls had no seating, so costs were low. Later, it gradually became a food stall, then later, a small bar with a proper storefront.
When he graduated, he decided to run the shop full-time. A few close friends, including Yuan Bei, each invested a little.
…
Wang Luxi didn’t order anything so Yuan Bei ordered for her.
Each drink came with a small card showing the name, alcohol content, and a very literary little poem, probably the origin of the drink’s name. Wang Luxi’s drink had a simple name: Apple Mint. She took a sip. It tasted like green apple-flavored Mirinda.
“So you have a share in this shop too?”
“A tiny bit.” Yuan Bei said.
More of a proof of college friendship.
“…My drink tastes really good, there’s no alcohol taste at all.”
The bar had very cozy lighting, full of warmth. Wang Luxi praised the drink, then turned to see Yuan Bei under the lamplight, looking at her with a half-smile. She suddenly understood, picked up the little card to look. Alcohol content: 0
“…”
“I promised to take you somewhere to drink, but who said I’d give you alcohol?” Yuan Bei took a sip of his own. Wang Luxi wasn’t satisfied and grabbed his for a taste. It was even worse, just lemon water.
“I still have to drive.” Yuan Bei said.
Besides the bar and small tables and chairs, there was also a small stage. Following the stage around the corner, there was another world inside.
Wang Luxi discovered that while the shop had a small entrance, the inside was quite large. There was a projector on the white wall, with some customers sitting in front on small stools, holding their drinks. The projector wasn’t showing a movie or sports game. She focused and looked for a while. Good heavens, it was a PowerPoint presentation on modern Chinese history.
“Huh???”
Yuan Bei laughed: “Sit down and listen for a bit.”
…It was later, when the concept of “academic bars” went viral online, that Wang Luxi learned there were such small bars near universities in many cities. Every day there were different guests sharing content, mostly students from nearby schools. The sharing topics were diverse, from calculus to world history, from literary appreciation to Photoshop basics… Like giving lectures, with a focus on mutual help and “tipsy learning.”
“When you come out with classmates for drinks in the future, you can come here.” Yuan Bei said.
Wang Luxi’s eyes were fixed on the PowerPoint, letting out a light snort: “Why? My academics are none of your concern.”
“No,” shifting light fell into Yuan Bei’s eyes, “having acquaintances here makes it safer somehow.”
“So in your eyes I’m just a silly drunk.”
“You’re not qualified to be a drunk, but the first adjective is pretty accurate.” Yuan Bei was smiling as he sipped his water when Wang Luxi pushed him, nearly spilling his drink.
…Almost simultaneously, there was movement on the small stage outside.
It was a very pleasant female voice saying hi to everyone through the microphone. Wang Luxi dragged Yuan Bei to watch the excitement and discovered it was a small band. The lead singer was a girl with long, curly ramen noodle hair and a very “wild” look, but her voice was soft, like a gentle senior from a campus drama.
“She really is a senior,” Yuan Bei said, “from our school. She performs here often.”
Wang Luxi secretly looked up the band’s name on her phone and found that while the band was newly formed, they had many works.
“So amazing…” she sighed again.
Everything she saw and heard that night kept refreshing Wang Luxi’s understanding.
Her amazement wasn’t about discovering the excitement of university life, but rather, she had originally thought that after graduation, people’s paths were limited to further studies or entering the workforce. At least these two were most common. But tonight, she discovered that life was actually very broad, not just these two paths. Everyone was hustling for a living, and beyond that hustling, pursuing just a little bit of “idealism.”
You didn’t have to follow your predecessors’ paths, and you didn’t need particularly impressive achievements to have a beautiful life.
Freedom.
Wang Luxi deeply understood this word for the first time since coming to Beijing. Freedom wasn’t given by others; freedom was earned through courage, effort, and obsession.
…
The female lead singer on stage began the first song, and it turned out the first one was quite explosive, somewhat at odds with her voice, but the atmosphere was electric.
Wang Luxi saw the students “attending modern history class” inside poke their heads out for a few glances, then close the door.
No mutual interference.
Wang Luxi was very happy listening to the music. Her troubles seemed to be scattered by the not-very-high-quality live sound system’s noise.
There were also some small games between songs.
She was having a blast and naturally wanted to drag Yuan Bei along.
You could tell Yuan Bei wasn’t very enthusiastic, but she knew better. Yuan Bei wouldn’t refuse her.
He wouldn’t refuse any of her requests.
…
When they left the small bar, it was almost 1 AM.
Stepping from the enclosed space into the outdoors created a sense of lost time, as if in another world. There were still many pedestrians on the street, delivery drivers hurrying past. The air still held residual moisture after the rain, but Wang Luxi suddenly looked up and actually saw stars.
The sky had cleared.
Tomorrow should be good weather.
She craned her neck high to look at the sky when Yuan Bei grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. An electric scooter zoomed past right in front of her.
“Watch the road, don’t look at the sky.” he said.
Wang Luxi paid no attention: “Yuan Bei, let’s go watch the sunrise.”
…Completely lost in play.
Yuan Bei looked at her with mixed feelings: “Why do I never hear you say you’re tired?”
“I’m not tired.” She spoke honestly, “Where in Beijing can you see the sunrise?”
–
…Watch the sunrise.
What an idea.
Yuan Bei went back into the shop and got a can of Red Bull.
Wang Luxi fell asleep on the road. Before sleeping, she didn’t forget to connect her phone’s playlist. She had just collected all of that band’s songs, and after they played through once, it would switch to her random playlist.
Yuan Bei recognized several songs by Nordic artists.
Big data was a bad thing.
It made people transparent, laying bare their recent thoughts and feelings, leaving no secrets.
He glanced at Wang Luxi from the corner of his eye and found she was sleeping soundly, hair strands sticking to her face, leaving marks, eyelashes trembling slightly.
Yuan Bei didn’t wake her.
She woke up naturally.
…
“Where are we?”
Wang Luxi woke up with a big yawn, rubbing her face. Without looking, she knew her face was oily right now, but she didn’t want to care about her image today: “I don’t have a driver’s license yet, otherwise I could drive for you, hehe.”
What’s she grinning about?
Yuan Bei thought this, but his face also unconsciously showed a slight smile.
Emotions were contagious, and when he was with Wang Luxi, it was always her infecting him.
“Where are we going?”
“Ghost Laugh Stone.” Yuan Bei said.
If it were far, he really might not have the energy for a long journey today, but coincidentally, with perfect timing and location, Ghost Laugh Stone was in Western Hills Forest Park, quite close. He and his roommates had come here once in college after drinking too much, riding bikes in the middle of the night.
This was probably the best place near Beijing’s outskirts for climbing mountains to watch the sunrise.
Wang Luxi had napped for a while and was very energetic now. Arriving at the parking lot, they found quite a few cars and tourists already there, some even bringing tents.
She checked online. Climbing to Ghost Laugh Stone would take about an hour and a half if walking slowly. It’s not too difficult, but it was dark now, so they needed to be careful.
“Yuan Bei, don’t talk to me. I need to maintain my condition.” She turned on her phone’s flashlight.
A mountain path full of people, all heading toward Ghost Laugh Stone. People along the way were chatting and singing.
Wang Luxi told Yuan Bei not to talk, but she was busy chatting with an elderly man traveling with them, not paying attention to spider webs between tree branches ahead. In a hasty dodge, she stepped on wet mud and fell to her knees.
“It’s not even New Year.” Yuan Bei helped her up, “Can you still walk?”
“Yes!” She wiped her knee with a wet wipe, not letting Yuan Bei examine it with his flashlight, “It’s fine! Hurry up, or we’ll miss it.”
…
The weather forecast showed sunrise at 5:30 today.
They reached Ghost Laugh Stone around 4 AM.
The horizon was already showing obvious reddening, with many people already waiting. Some had set up tents, others sat in circles on picnic blankets.
Wang Luxi sacrificed a notebook from her bag, tore out several sheets, and sat on the ground with Yuan Bei.
“Do you want to sleep for a bit?” She generously patted her shoulder, “I’ll lend it to you. Don’t be shy.”
Yuan Bei smiled: “Okay.”
But he didn’t actually rest on her shoulder. Instead, he lowered his head, forehead against his knees, just resting like that.
Wang Luxi felt a bit guilty.
She reached out, her fingertips touching the hair at the back of Yuan Bei’s head, then quickly pulled back.
The golden-red color on the horizon grew more intense.
A sunrise after rain seemed especially meaningful.
This was also Wang Luxi’s first real sunrise. She couldn’t judge the timing, when to stand up, when to take photos.
She stood up following the people beside her.
Yuan Bei woke up too.
He held her wrist, trying to move forward to get a better viewing angle, not wanting regrets like last time at Jingshan Park viewing the Forbidden City.
Wang Luxi saw dazzling light gradually appearing at the horizon’s edge.
A fiery red sun slowly rose just like that.
Illuminating the entire city of Beijing.
From another angle, the CBD and China Zun tower stood tall in the center of the view.
…
What beautiful weather.
The surrounding clouds were dyed brilliant colors, so dazzling they made your eyes burn. Some people were shouting, some taking photos, some had brought small flags and were waving them.
Wang Luxi wanted to cry too.
She reached into her bag for her Polaroid camera, then suddenly remembered she had forgotten to replace the film.
…Was it fate?
Maybe.
Wang Luxi shrugged. This way she could quietly enjoy a complete sunrise, not missing a single second, and didn’t have to view it through a camera lens.
It seemed any situation could be accepted. She could reconcile with herself. Wang Luxi thought that in her future life, she wouldn’t forget this sunrise, the sunrise she saw at eighteen, the first free and romantic sunrise of her life.
When encountering dark nights and obstacles, she wouldn’t forget how she climbed step by step to the mountaintop today.
And also.
Also the person who climbed the mountain with her.
Wang Luxi turned her head and saw Yuan Bei standing quietly beside her.
The rising sun cast brilliant morning light entirely on his shoulders.
“…Yuan Bei.” She called his name.
“Mm.”
“I don’t resent you anymore.” Wang Luxi took a deep breath, “I admit, when you rejected me, besides sadness, I also resented you a bit, because you’re stupid. You don’t know what you missed.”
Yuan Bei smiled: “Such self-praise.”
“It’s the truth.” She stretched toward the sun, “But I’m balanced now. At least I know you really do like me, and we left behind many moments. In the future, whenever you encounter similar moments, whether it’s rain, wind, sunrise or sunset, you’ll think of me.”
Yuan Bei said nothing.
“Also, thank you.”
“…Thank you for what.”
“Thank you for letting me know what it feels like to like someone.” Light flickered in Wang Luxi’s eyes, but she held back, “Don’t be so dejected anymore, Yuan Bei. Although I’m not qualified to speak about life, there really are many worthwhile moments in life, right?”
…
“What day is your flight?” she asked.
Yuan Bei paused: “The 29th.”
Oh.
That was just in one week.
“I won’t see you off,” Wang Luxi squeezed her eyelids tight, then opened them again, her eyes clear and bright, “I wish you all the best, and wish we both start new lives. We’re still friends, right?”
Her chest filled with the early morning’s cool, clear, clean oxygen. The cicada sounds grew more turbulent, even drowning out Yuan Bei’s answer.
Wang Luxi didn’t hear his response.
“Let’s go, down the mountain!” She waved her hand.
–
The descent was much easier than the climb.
But because of that fall earlier, her knee hurt every time it bent, making her frown. Yuan Bei noticed and stood in front of her, two steps lower: “Get on.”
“?” Wang Luxi felt a bit embarrassed, “Can you carry me?”
Yuan Bei was quite honest: “…Probably not. We’ll walk and rest.”
“…”
…So they went stop and go, from time to time getting down to rest for a while.
…
Wang Luxi later kept thinking about exactly when she had turned the corner, when she had figured it out.
Probably that day.
Many moments.
Like when eating hot pot, Yuan Bei’s gaze through the steam as he looked at her.
Like when leaving, how he carefully took away the rose she had forgotten.
Like during the evening drinking and playing games, when they had to hold hands as partners, Yuan Bei interlocked fingers with her, with a force as if he wanted to press her into his palm lines. That was their only time holding hands.
And like just now at sunrise, although Yuan Bei didn’t speak, she saw it, she saw his reddened eyes when she gave that “closing statement.”
…Oh, and also.
And now.
She was on Yuan Bei’s back, looking at his ear and neck, where sweat beads slid down. He carried her and walked the entire descent.
Wang Luxi suddenly felt that everything wasn’t so bad after all.
What she had asked for, what she had always urged Yuan Bei to cherish, wasn’t it the romance in the process, the inadvertent moments?
In that case, getting what she sought, what was there to complain about?
Everything was perfect. Stopping here, everything was good.
This was enough.
As Wang Luxi’s thoughts flickered, she knew what she was about to do might be a bit improper, but since it was the end, the so-called rules should become more lenient. Heaven would forgive her small willfulness.
Using drowsiness as an excuse, she gently lowered her head, chin resting against Yuan Bei’s nape.
Then gently pressed her lips to Yuan Bei’s neck.
It was warm, and a bit sweaty.
She lightly kissed once, and the moment she felt Yuan Bei’s neck skin stiffen, she quickly moved away.
OK.
Enough.
Perfect ending.
Wang Luxi called it a wrap on her first love in her heart.
…
Arriving at the parking lot, getting into the car, the air conditioning’s cold wind hit their faces, quickly cooling the red and hot cheeks.
Wang Luxi reconnected her phone playlist and said to Yuan Bei: “Oh right, there’s a song I wanted to play for you yesterday to annoy you. I forgot.”
Yuan Bei started the car: “What?”
“Never mind, never mind. I’ll hold back and not play it.” Wang Luxi felt it wasn’t quite right.
Yuan Bei glanced at her, his expression clearly showing he didn’t believe she could hold it in.
The car passed an intersection.
Sure enough.
Wang Luxi started operating her playlist.
“Promise not to get angry, okay? I’ll only play it once.” She bit her fingernail, somewhat hesitant, “I said I don’t resent you, but you have to let me vent a little!”
In Wang Luxi’s laughter, Yuan Bei heard the song.
Jay Chou.
“What Kind of Man”
“…”
“You promised not to get angry! What’s that expression!”
“…”
Wang Luxi’s laughter filled this morning.
Or perhaps, it filled the entire month of August.
In any case, the summer of 2023 in Beijing had finally reached its end.